Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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