Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
