your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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