White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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