just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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