Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
