May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
