Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
