I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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