how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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