have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
