When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
