You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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