u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
