Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
