Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
