While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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