and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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