Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
