Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
