My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
