You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
