wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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