1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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