Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cockslap morals
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
