a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize