fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
That's how pantless uber rides happen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
