I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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