in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
