well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
