tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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