Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
