My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
