Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
