Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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