i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize