So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize