Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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