shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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