So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
