Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
