your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
