these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize