ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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