my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
