Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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