So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently you make a good broom.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
