Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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