She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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