Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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