i need an iv and a liver transplant
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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