she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
