Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
