In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
