How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
