I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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