I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
