you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
