let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
