what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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