Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
