We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i dont even know how to be here
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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