i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
