In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
