I smell stomach acid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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