Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
