You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
