First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
