Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
