Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
