he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
