dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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